Drowning in the Distance Between Us
by yanderechann
Summary: People break. Or, rather—they feel as if they've broke. Their emotions numb and they become glassy eyed and complacent, yearning for 'what could have (and should have) been'; 'what never will be', 'why didn't I ...'
1. prologue — a slow start, but hasty end

_People break._ Or, rather—they feel as if they've broke. Their emotions numb and they become glassy eyed and complacent, yearning for 'what could have (and should have) been'; 'what never will be', 'why didn't I ...'

 _People drift apart_. Well, it's more like you're trying to hold onto what you have, but it evaporates within your hands as you try to reach across that ocean—holding the two of you apart. The nights upon nights and days upon days spent laughing with one another change to nights and days left wondering what happened in between you and the other and how or even if you _can_ change it. Nights and days that leave you breathless, but not in the same way as before. You struggle to breathe as you grasp at anything, anyone, to blame; they leave you feeling as if you're slowly running out of of air, and nobody gives a single care at all.


	2. learning curve

A/N: _Hello guys, wowie so I've had quite the time imagining the dialogue between these two dorks and it's really interesting to put yourself into that mindset of a failing relationship but what happened that made them work before and the characters are really developed in the show, so I'd like to work off of that and such while developing them in my own way for the margins of this fic._

 _Um, so yeah? I can't promise any hearts won't be broken during reading the duration of this fic? (given that I keep the motivation I currently have and finish it)_

 _Also sorry for any grammar mistakes and such, I've tried my hardest to weed them out but it's been so long that I've tried to go over and over it again and just sometimes you loose the_ _original magic you had yourself when writing it for the first time. Anyways, hope you all enjoy!_

 _o/v/o_

* * *

 _"These violent delights have violent ends_

 _And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,_

 _Which as they kiss consume"_ — **Shakespeare; Romeo and Juliet**

Rin Mautsoka awoke to the soft morning light filtering through the open window and the singing of the birds outside. He could hear the soft breeze coming through as the curtains swirl around the wall, and thought it a nice early spring morning. Stifling a yawn he reached hand to his mouth. He had almost forgotten what happened yesterday... until he grabbed his phone to check the time and saw he had a new text notification.

 _Look, Rin. There's no point agonizing about things you did in the past if the present is fine. I'm sure Haru knows you didn't mean what happened! In fact, I've talked to him about it and he understands that you were under a lot of pressure and stress. It's perfectly okay, everything is fine, really._

— _Makoto_

Rin sighed and flew his fingers across the keyboard. Admittedly, he didn't remember what he said in response, probably something along the lines of "Okay."

Rin knew that it really wasn't okay, he lashed out at Haruka. Again. He really needed to control his temper, he couldn't have a normal relationship with others if he kept on like this. Rin needed to change his ways, he knew this...but, Haru sure knew how to get under his skin. No other person could bring out the worst in him quite like that damn Haruka Nanasae. But he also brought out the best in him, which confused Rin to the point of actually going to someone else for help. Makoto was trying to help them in every way he could, Rin knew this. Yet he still couldn't shake the feeling that he'd ruin everything they'd done someday, all their memories. The memories that Rin keeps so close to him—his and Haru's first ever race, their relay with Makoto and Nagisa, the time he broke down in front of Haru when he lost a race he suggested after coming back from Australia, the tears in Haru's eyes when Rin finally won and said they'd never race again, the smiles, the tears, the laughs, the hurt, and the comfort—Rin loved every single bit of it, but yet... he hated that there was this huge pile of miscommunication between the them, it was like an ocean reaching the shoreline only to recede back again. It felt as if Haruka was the ocean—about to say or do something only to jerk back again and never show his true feelings. Sometimes Rin wished to know what it was like inside Haruka's mind. Rin, was the sand, always there, always waiting for any sign that the ocean was back. Waiting for the feelings and words that they both hid, to be displayed across to each other. Always there to comfort. Yet the second they touch they're gone. Never get their feelings across, never knowing each other quite like they'd like to.

Rin stared blankly at the phone down in his hands, the brightly lit screen that could help him get across that ocean, if only he could just work up the courage to call Haruka.

 _Tsk. I can call him, it's not like I'm confessing my "undying love" to him. It's just an apology call, I can do this. I really can, c'mon Rin. Just do it already._ Rin took more than a few deep breaths before he tapped the number into his phone and silently prayed that he wouldn't pick up. He did. Rin heard Haruka shuffle around a bit on the other line. It sounded like papers being moved from one place to the next. Taking yet another deep breath Rin started to talk only to be cut off by Haruka.

"Listen, Rin. I know why you're calling. It's fine. You were stressed and you did the only thing you could, you had to let it out somehow. Rin, you seriously need to stop bottling up your emotions. One day they'll explode and it'll ruin everything you worked so hard to build."

Rin knew this, he knew it but it was just so goddamned hard when Haruka would say something like that but then unintentionally do something that just set Rin off again. It was an endless cycle of apologise, be friends, argue, and apologise all over again. Rin didn't know what to do anymore. Rin knew that this was all his fault and he couldn't really blame Haruka. He just didn't know how to fix their relationship. He just wanted to be friends, not friends who constantly argue then make up a few hours later. He just wanted things to be normal between the two of them. But how would he achieve this? Rin honestly had no clue.

The crunching of gravel under foot brought Haruka back to reality as they walked along the path to the steep overlook where they spent multiple summers talking when they were kids, before Rin changed. Before he left for Australia. Haruka recounted the spring when Rin said he would leave for a better school, and better chance at his dream, and remembered how he'd gotten so upset that Rin was leaving him that eventually he threatened not to swim again and Rin just laughed.

"Haru, if you quit you'll never beat me, you know that right? You'll never be able to move on."

(Haruka never liked to admit that Rin was right, but he knew he was in the end.)

It was eerily silent, other than their footsteps on the gravelly grounds, he didn't like it. Neither of them spoke a word for the past hour as they travelled along the narrow path through the forest. The once neat path was unkept and uneven, overrun with weeds and grass of various species. Haruka knew they were close, you could see where they painted some of the trees together as kids. They had their names on it and one of them said "Haruka Nanasae + Rin Matsouka = best friends forever!" Haruka gave a small chuckle and Rin looked at him curiously. Assuring him it was nothing, Haru led him to the edge of the overhang and sat down. Rin let his legs dangle and unconsciously played with his hair. Haru thought he looked lovely in the red and orange lighting of the fading evening and smiled. _It fits him—red, it's like fire,_ Haru thought to himself.

 _Touch it and you'll get burned. You know this, but yet why are you so mesmerised by his every movement? You follow his every move like a lion about to pounce on a gazelle, but really, isn't Rin the lion in this situation? He's proud, brash, and headstrong. But also beautiful, the freedom that surrounds him; his ego that you can feel from a mile away; the sinister intent behind his red eyes. Why do you get a rush off of every off glance, every out of the corner of your eye movement, every small smirk? Why does his slightest laugh send a knot into your stomach? Why is that, Haru? Do you know?_

 _(I think that you do.)_

Rin gave him a puzzled look and a small click of the tongue.

"Oi, Haru. You led me out here to laugh at me? Why am I here again? You were pretty vague on the phone. An explanation would be nice, y'know?"

Haru didn't want to explain. He wanted to run. To leave this awful place along with his awful thoughts and forget that any of this ever happened. He didn't understand why he called Rin out here with him, it was a knee jerk decision. It was stupid. He was stupid. Why did Rin make him so irrational? It wasn't fair, Rin could be carefree and confident while Haru doubted his own every move and could never really talk to people. Haruka hated his feelings, he hated himself for feeling them. He was disgusting, no other person thought about their childhood friend like he did.

Oh, how Haruka wished he could never have met Rin.

But he did.


End file.
